I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
