Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
