where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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