that's what penises do
they tell lies.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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