I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
