I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
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It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
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Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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