We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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