Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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