Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a shit load of segways right now
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize