Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
