i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
