he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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