i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
