looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
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mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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