Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
