mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
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