she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
