he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
