I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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