I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
