i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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