dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
