I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I feel like a drive thru vagina
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
