And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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