you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
