if you like me you must not know who I am
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
