i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize