I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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