the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
