I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.