he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Dating After Heartbreak
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing