hotties wanna shake it
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.