So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.