If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."