I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.