I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
