Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
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