The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
