thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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