it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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