sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
