Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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