I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
