but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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