Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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