I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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