we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
