there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize