god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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