i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize