Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
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he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
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"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN