Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.