i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
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I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
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Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize