so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
a bad idea.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."