Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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