I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
