dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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