i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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