Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
