i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
