I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
