she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
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