There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
