Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We just shotgunned beers for America
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
