i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
