I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
